Comments for Lemonade Divorce

Comment on Is Your Ex Worse Than Charlie Sheen? –A Discussion of High-Conflict People in Divorce by Michelle

Michelle — Sun, 23 Nov 2025 06:03:00 +0000

There should be counseling marriage before divorce

Comment on Is Your Ex Worse Than Charlie Sheen? –A Discussion of High-Conflict People in Divorce by Aaliyah carr

Aaliyah carr — Wed, 23 Oct 2024 22:43:00 +0000

To be honest, I really never knew all this stuff about two people divorcing each other, until now . Like wow. I didn’t know you had go through this long process, I just thought you get divorced and get it over with

Comment on Is Your Ex Worse Than Charlie Sheen? –A Discussion of High-Conflict People in Divorce by zoley

zoley — Wed, 17 Jul 2024 19:48:00 +0000

high conflict people (HCPs) and suggests that CBs and their lawyers

Comment on Ask the Divorce Doc â€“ Q&A by shawna

shawna — Fri, 01 Sep 2017 15:54:00 +0000

Thank you for your article on uncle dads. It is exactly how i viewed my ex before we had our daughter but i took care of the kids and loved it so i didnt have any issues…until we had one together. I felt like a single mom the entire time we were together and he came and went as he pleased and stumbled home at 2 am and would sleep the next day away while i entertained the kids. He often replied that why your here. He now had a new gf that has a kid and he only asks for our daughter when there is an event they both attend since she has a kid the same age. The toughest part is him wanting 50/50 custody and he has no interest in our daughter. My emotions have been all over the place as he can afford to take her on vacations and spend time with her but cant have dinner with his daughter one day a week since it is too far for him (20 minutes). i know time will help me heal from loving a man who is like this but the custody battle has been draining and i am ready for it to be done!

Comment on A Poem for My Father by apatton

apatton — Mon, 03 Jul 2017 21:04:00 +0000

Hi Smith267, thank you for commenting and I will do my best to respond.
My parents divorced when I was 17 and they had a friendly divorce where my all my siblings and I were able to spend time with each of them as much as we wanted. (I wrote an article on Huffpost about my parents, called “Sucking it Up for the Kids” which will give you an idea of what my parent’s divorce was like.)
My dad wasn’t an Uncle Dad, and my article about Uncle Dads stems from observing this pattern in certain cases throughout many years of practicing family law. However, I do understand your point, which is that some mothers try to alienate the father and can minimize visitation time as a result. I have seen that as well. The Uncle Dad, however, is a different phenomenon. This is when a father has significant custody time and isn’t able to step up to the plate as a responsible father because of self-absorption, immaturity and often narcissistic tendencies. Yes, there are definitely mothers who have other patterns, and actually part of my work as a mediator involves discussions with traditional mothers who are struggling with those feelings of “ownership” related to the children because they were the stay-home spouse. And I have a number of stay-home fathers in mediation who have the same struggle during divorce. Part of the mediation process is helping couples talk about and come to recognize the importance of two parents being involved in the children’s lives. A lot of my clients resolve their cases with some form of shared custody, which can work well when both parents are mature and truly involved with the kids. I get the sense you’re dealing with a BPD in your divorce, based on your two comments on my blog. That’s got to be very very difficult, and explains a lot why you are feeling the way you’re feeling. That personality does tend to claim “ownership” of the children and plays the martyr and undermines the co-parenting process.

Comment on Divorcing The Donald: Cutting Ties With the Narcissist by apatton

apatton — Mon, 03 Jul 2017 20:50:00 +0000

I’ve seen this and agree. There can be a pairing in a marriage of one BPD and one NPD. Toughest divorce mediation cases I have.

Comment on A Poem for My Father by Smith267

Smith267 — Wed, 21 Jun 2017 14:39:00 +0000

I found this poem while looking to comment on your “Uncle Dad” article and saw a similar thread here. What if Uncle Dads are the way they are because they have been pushed to the side in their children’s lives and that’s best way for them to cope? What if they feel they need to focus on fun with their children, instead of responsibilities because they only have minimal visitation? You talk about how as a child you thought your father didn’t care, because he only had minimal visits, but what if he was fighting behind the scenes to get more time and was thwarted by your mother at every turn? I’m not saying that this happened in your case, but I think sometimes Uncle Dads become Uncle Dads because divorced moms work hard to make them a secondary parent. Please write an article about divorced moms who insist on “winning” and showing themselves to be the only parent after divorce. I think that’s just as common as Uncle Dads, but perhaps less obvious because many of these mothers also present themselves as the martyr who has to do everything because they are divorced.

Comment on Divorcing The Donald: Cutting Ties With the Narcissist by Smith267

Smith267 — Wed, 21 Jun 2017 14:26:00 +0000

One other HCP in a divorce, the BPD “waif”. This person, usually a woman, shares many of the traits of the NPD co-parent, but hides them from public view by successfully presenting herself as the ultimate victim of her ex-spouse, going so far as to cry and feign an anxiety attack during mediation discussions or court proceedings.

Comment on The Cat in My House by Alison Patton

Alison Patton — Sat, 07 Mar 2015 04:43:32 +0000

Wow! That’s great that you know him! He is indeed shy and shell-shocked from “being on the streets for months” (as the vet put it). He’s slowly becoming less skittish and he actually lets us pat him a lot now without scratching or biting. He sleeps for hours on our beds like Cinder used to do. He isn’t completely tame yet but we’re hoping he’ll eventually get over the scars from his homeless days and start to trust people more. He was covered head to toe in scabs from cat fights and dehydrated when we found him, but not painfully thin and we were wondering why he wasn’t completely malnourished. So good that you fed him. I still miss Cinder too. . . although Chester is worming his way into my heart.

Comment on The Cat in My House by Lorrie Reid Votrian

Lorrie Reid Votrian — Sat, 07 Mar 2015 04:19:00 +0000

I know Chester we have been feeding him for weeks but anytime we tried to get close he would dart. We always knew when he was around because he is quite a talker. So glad to hear he found his home with you all. We still miss Cindee but Chester is a nice guy to have around too

Comment on The Mouse In My House by The Cat in My House » Flourish & Thrive

The Cat in My House » Flourish & Thrive — Mon, 02 Mar 2015 22:03:28 +0000

[…] my life, my mother always talked about her faith as â€œthe mouse in the house.â€ (Click here for that story.) Are my lessons starting to come in the form of cats now, I wonder? Iâ€™d have to be dense to miss […]

Comment on The Mouse In My House by The Cat in My House

The Cat in My House — Mon, 23 Feb 2015 02:07:49 +0000

[…] my life, my mother always talked about her faith as â€œthe mouse in the house.â€ (Click here for that post.) Are my lessons starting to come in the form of cats now, I wonder? Iâ€™d have to be dense to miss […]

Comment on A Poem for My Father by Alison Patton

Alison Patton — Fri, 20 Feb 2015 01:35:48 +0000

Thank you for the unexpected compliment!
One of my favorite skits on Saturday Night Live was “Bad Ballet.” A dancer would execute some fake ballet moves and the ballet master would say admiringly, “Oh, now that is very very bad.” I’m waiting for someone to say that about my poetry. LOL

Comment on A Poem for My Father by Teresa

Teresa — Sun, 08 Feb 2015 03:06:00 +0000

Beautiful poem Alison! Thank you so much for sharing it with us.

Comment on Some Thoughts on Grief (and a poem that brought me back to life) by Alison Patton

Alison Patton — Thu, 22 May 2014 02:18:59 +0000

To itiswhatitis: Your lovely comment was made almost 5 months ago and I am hoping you are faring well both emotionally and in the collaborative legal process. I hope you are still holding that plain face in your hands and loving it as it deserves to be loved. My best wishes to you and sending good thoughts your way.

Comment on Legal Articles and Information by Love After Love (Derek Walcott)

Love After Love (Derek Walcott) — Thu, 22 May 2014 00:03:25 +0000

[…] Legal Articles and Information […]

Comment on What to Do for Your Children During Divorce by The Show Must Go On

The Show Must Go On — Thu, 22 May 2014 00:03:06 +0000

[…] What to Do for Your Children During Divorce […]

Comment on Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned #2 (My advice is still: try mediation first) by apatton

apatton — Thu, 20 Feb 2014 06:49:00 +0000

I have mixed feelings about these kinds of public displays. They are very funny at one level. I also agree it takes cleverness, and no doubt it was “deserved” if we’re looking at it from the perspective of fairness. But as someone who works with families during and after divorce, I believe this level of anger/revenge and public humiliation can destroy any chances of the divorce being civil and the parents having a shot at cooperative co-parenting in the future. I’ve had many cases that started with an affair, and it’s never easy and certainly terribly unfair and painful for the cheated-on spouse, but those cases that come to mediation can and do settle down and often sincere apologies are made and the divorce (and future co-parenting) can get to a smooth path. I do fear that this level of “revenge” will launch this divorce into legal conflict and in that situation, the short-term pleasure of getting revenge can turn into a long and vicious cycle of legal retaliation that will end up harming the Wife as well as any children involved. Revenge feels great at first but it’s really a bad idea when it comes to divorce. Everyone suffers when a divorce turns nasty (except the lawyers).

Comment on Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned #2 (My advice is still: try mediation first) by Raspberry girl

Raspberry girl — Wed, 19 Feb 2014 05:39:00 +0000

I don’t see the attack or the poison here , or for that matter any anger . We are taught we are worthy of truth . When her husband refused her that she was clever enough to find the truth on her own . This is clever ( far more than I could ever be) and she released him of the weight of his lies . As someone who found out at a nearly fatal point that my ex was cheating by way of an std I think this is simple , she respects herself , she trusted her gut and found truth and set him free with it something he did not have the dignity to do .

Comment on Some Thoughts on Grief (and a poem that brought me back to life) by itiswhatitis

itiswhatitis — Mon, 27 Jan 2014 00:32:00 +0000

I’m not even sure how I found myself on your website, but here I am. Nine months into what will soon be the end of a 28-year marriage and grieving that which was never supposed to end. I am here now, this place of acceptance after months and days and hours of denial and defiance of the big “D”. I’ve wasted so much time fighting my new reality, but here it is. In two days we begin to deconstruct 28 years of a life lived together with our collaborative team. My heart breaks, but I now have words to put to the experience as I hold this plain face between my hands, with no charming smile or twinkle in her eye, and say “yes, I will take you”. I will carefully nurture this face like I tried to nurture my marriage. I will kiss the tears off her cheeks. I will tenderly stroke her hair and tell her she is beautiful until she is. My new life…not so winsome right now, but with care and love, she will be. Thank you for this encouragement and for the vision of what will be.

Comment on Some Thoughts on Grief (and a poem that brought me back to life) by apatton

apatton — Mon, 18 Nov 2013 04:15:00 +0000

This experience I wrote about was a long time ago, and now with time and perspective, I would agree that I’ve become a deeper, stronger person as a result. Suffering isn’t anything I’d wish on a person but it is such a part of life. And yet I think that for many of us, we don’t expect it in our comfortable American life and are so often taken by surprise when our world is turned upside down. I’ve had relatively little suffering in my life and perhaps that’s why this particular experience I wrote about rocked my world. It was a sobering walk through the dysfunction and cruelty of people and organizations, and it indeed deepened my compassion and empathy for the suffering people go through in this world. I never forgot that Ellen Bass poem and my moment of truth, so I decided it was time to write about it.

Comment on Some Thoughts on Grief (and a poem that brought me back to life) by Carol Balawyder

Carol Balawyder — Wed, 13 Nov 2013 23:08:00 +0000

I am sorry for your grief. It does take time to heal. But, in the end, we do come out stronger, a better person for having suffered. That is the consolation of suffering.

Comment on Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned #2 (My advice is still: try mediation first) by Kathiey

Kathiey — Sat, 24 Aug 2013 20:56:00 +0000

I don’t see it as anger. I see it as just the facts. It was his choice not hers. I hope she can move on and be happy.

Comment on Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned #2 (My advice is still: try mediation first) by Tara Tiantian Cheng

Tara Tiantian Cheng — Sun, 28 Jul 2013 01:28:00 +0000

I think of there is a line in A Course in Miracles which is popularly preached by Marianne Williamson – From a metaphysical perspective, there is nothing outside of you.

Comment on The Mouse In My House by Tara Tiantian Cheng

Tara Tiantian Cheng — Sun, 28 Jul 2013 01:23:00 +0000

I feel like as human being, we are deeply loved and taken care of all the time by its divine natural order (just as you referred as God), no matter how difficult the situation seems to be. Things eventually all work out, that is what is amazing about life, and the universe is an abundant universe which compensates every loss immediately when it occurs. It may take some time for us to recognize it, but just as what you said in this article, there are always some bits and pieces here and there that give us clue that help us regain the inner footing.

Comment on The Mouse In My House by apatton

apatton — Sat, 27 Jul 2013 06:22:00 +0000

A very belated thank you for your kind and concerned sentiments. Early this year we lost a very dear person who was like a grandmother to my children and was one of my best friends, combined with some other life issues that were very difficult. We are all doing fine now and finally I am getting back to my blog. Thank you for your continued support of my work. Lovely comments like yours lifted my spirits when I most needed it.

Comment on Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned #2 (My advice is still: try mediation first) by apatton

apatton — Sat, 27 Jul 2013 06:19:00 +0000

Yes, so true. I get a laugh from these billboards, as we all do, but it does remind me of that expression: “Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” I’ve found in my own life that anytime I hold onto anger or resentment, it eats away at me and puts me in a spiritual and emotional slump. Divorce is just the same.

Comment on Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned #2 (My advice is still: try mediation first) by Tara Tiantian Cheng

Tara Tiantian Cheng — Sat, 27 Jul 2013 05:37:00 +0000

This is too bad for her. I remember there is a quote saying that everytime we direct an attack thought (in this case is an attack behavior which is even worse) toward someone else, see a sword dropping over their head, and then remember it is actually dropping on yours. Such as lose-lose situation for both the woman and her husband.

Comment on The Mouse In My House by Tara Tiantian Cheng

Tara Tiantian Cheng — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 23:05:00 +0000

It is amazingly inspirational communicating the universal spiritual healing message. Alison’s articles have been influencing my life in a very positive and profound way since last summer. I wish this blog could become more popular so more and more people could get inspirations and strength from it.

We do not know what the author has been going through as she mentioned, but our thoughts and prayers definitely go to her and her family.

Comment on The Mouse In My House by Michelle

Michelle — Mon, 01 Apr 2013 14:01:00 +0000

This is so brilliant!! Loved every word.

Comment on More About Forgiveness . . . And Life’s Little Ironies by Tara

Tara — Fri, 14 Sep 2012 00:04:00 +0000

Hi Alison, I read your post about the interview with Dr. Fred Luskin on Huffington Post, it wasÂ inspirational. Do you have some advices or even write a post on self-forgiveness? Sometimes, after we feel we forgive others, we can not help blaming ourselves, maybe self-forgiveness and forgiving others are actually Â one process, which means the inabilities of forgiving yourself subtly indicates the fact that you have not fully forgiven that person. I do not know……. The person who we think hurt ourselves may deserve our hatred to some extent and more importantly, the forgiveness; at the same time, he/ she feel hurt too when he/ she knows the pain we suffered.Â

Alison, I do think you are the Marianne Williamson in the area of broken-relationships, it is not easy to run into someone who addresses broken-relationship& divorce chaos from the spirituality and deeply humanity level where is actually where& when the healing starts and proceeds.Â

I do wish there will be more and more people whose heart is/was broken could see your blog and get healing and inspirations here.Â

All the best.Â

Comment on An Expert Weighs In on Forgiveness by Tara

Tara — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 07:52:00 +0000

I am on your side. How can a person really move on without forgiveness….. Awesome blog! will definitely come back soon. :)Â