Comments on: Some Thoughts on Grief (and a poem that brought me back to life)

By: Alison Patton

Alison Patton — Thu, 22 May 2014 02:18:59 +0000

To itiswhatitis: Your lovely comment was made almost 5 months ago and I am hoping you are faring well both emotionally and in the collaborative legal process. I hope you are still holding that plain face in your hands and loving it as it deserves to be loved. My best wishes to you and sending good thoughts your way.

By: itiswhatitis

itiswhatitis — Mon, 27 Jan 2014 00:32:00 +0000

I’m not even sure how I found myself on your website, but here I am. Nine months into what will soon be the end of a 28-year marriage and grieving that which was never supposed to end. I am here now, this place of acceptance after months and days and hours of denial and defiance of the big “D”. I’ve wasted so much time fighting my new reality, but here it is. In two days we begin to deconstruct 28 years of a life lived together with our collaborative team. My heart breaks, but I now have words to put to the experience as I hold this plain face between my hands, with no charming smile or twinkle in her eye, and say “yes, I will take you”. I will carefully nurture this face like I tried to nurture my marriage. I will kiss the tears off her cheeks. I will tenderly stroke her hair and tell her she is beautiful until she is. My new life…not so winsome right now, but with care and love, she will be. Thank you for this encouragement and for the vision of what will be.

By: apatton

apatton — Mon, 18 Nov 2013 04:15:00 +0000

This experience I wrote about was a long time ago, and now with time and perspective, I would agree that I’ve become a deeper, stronger person as a result. Suffering isn’t anything I’d wish on a person but it is such a part of life. And yet I think that for many of us, we don’t expect it in our comfortable American life and are so often taken by surprise when our world is turned upside down. I’ve had relatively little suffering in my life and perhaps that’s why this particular experience I wrote about rocked my world. It was a sobering walk through the dysfunction and cruelty of people and organizations, and it indeed deepened my compassion and empathy for the suffering people go through in this world. I never forgot that Ellen Bass poem and my moment of truth, so I decided it was time to write about it.

By: Carol Balawyder

Carol Balawyder — Wed, 13 Nov 2013 23:08:00 +0000

I am sorry for your grief. It does take time to heal. But, in the end, we do come out stronger, a better person for having suffered. That is the consolation of suffering.